Check out these cool glasses

In Dr. Emerson Eggerichs' book Love and Respect, Dr. Eggerichs discusses the different lenses through which men and women see things. He states that women see things through what he labels a pink lens and men see things through what he labels as a, you guessed it, blue lens. He attributes much of the struggle in the marital relationship to the different perspectives based on the two lenses. If both spouses see the same conversation through different lenses, they will respond to that converstaion (or what the other person said) in drastically different ways. In other words, what one person said may not be interpreted correctly, but will rather be interpreted through the lens of the hearer, not the speaker.

Rather than discussing the pros and cons of that thesis, I'd rather expand it from having pink or blue lenses in our glasses, to having a series of lenses stacked one upon the other. Kind of like the glasses from National Treasure. Those glasses were regular glasses, except for the fact that over each eye was an additional,hinged red lens and green lens. When specific a specific combination of the lenses was applied, certain other things were revealed (interpreted).

In relationships, those lenses are not only based on sex, but are also stacked onto temperament/personality, and experiences. We sometimes simplify the complexity of our communication with our spouses too much as a way to better understand it. As a result, we forget that so many other things shape us and shape others as well. When we speak to our wives we need to do so through several lenses, not just "Well, men are from Mars and women are from Venus."

I like this phrase better: "Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Get over it."

That's why two women can see things and respond to them in two totally different ways. Even though they both have the pink lens, they also have different lenses of temperament and experience. Is your bride afraid of you in any way? That's not a woman thing. It's an experience thing. That's why we have to take the things we read and hear and be cautious in applying them to our own relationships in it's original package. In reality, they all need to be customized, even if not completely re-tooled.

So look at your bride's glasses. And examine your own as well. When you speak or hear, and when you respond to what your wife says, be sure to flip open some of those lenses so you can see more clearly. Can you look past the hurtful words or unfounded allegations? Can you recognize that she's coming from a rough day and not anger at you? Can you tell if you really did do something to displease or dishonor her and stop making excuses?

Flip the lens.