Gotta Love the Doctors!

As my bride's pregnancy has progressed, we have been on a unique journey along the way. We had just given most of the usable baby stuff to friends who had or were having babies, when we found out my bride was pregnant. Working through the emotions of that was tough for both of us, but the Lord has been so good to us (God is good! All the time!) and has taken care of us in every way.

At our last home a few states away, my bride had good OBGYNs. Great ones, actually. Not only were they skilled, but they were also compassionate. We learned that through the miscarriages, but we also learned it through the first miscarriage in our new home. We compared, or shall I say contrasted, the two practices and the latter was found wanting. We found our current OBGYN because they specialize in high-risk pregnancies. Since we have started going there, we have been very pleased. At the same time they take their jobs very seriously, and are very skilled, they also appear to try developing a relationship with each patient. While my dear bride never looks forward to being poked and prodded at the doctor, she is more okay with it at this practice because of the way she is treated.

I have to say that my endocrinologist (the one who works with my low testosterone) is much the same way, but this post isn't about that, now, is it? No. It isn't.

It's about my bride's doctors and how that affects us. In our 15 1/2 years married, I have never missed an appointment of hers or of our daughter's (I don't expect this of most men; my job allows for it and understand most don't). It's who I am, it's what I do. What she hears, I hear. I'm aware of what they do, and if I have questions I ask them. And yes, I do interject some humor into the appointments if appropriate.

What do I like best, though? Their prescriptions. Sure, giving my wife shots every day is fun and all, but they give more...homeopathic...remedies. Natural. Semen.

Wait....what?

That's right. Semen. I said it. Don't worry, it doesn't have to be taken orally (unless that's what you're into) HA! Sorry, no offense. Anyways, they prescribe sex. As we are approaching the final days of pregnancy and as the mother of my unborn son is showing signs of labor, the doctors are telling her to move things along. On three different occasions, three different doctors/assistants (in our state the assistants are heavily involved in care and can do everything except deliver) have told her to go home and have sex.

I only wish she would involve me.

But they have. In fact, sex in late-stage pregnancy does several things. The stimulation causes contractions, the semen ripens the cervix, and the penetration aggravates the baby. Okay I made that last part up. At least our son seems a tad peeved when dad rings the doorbell as he's trying to sleep. And my little boy has no trouble speaking his mind. In fact, we just got late-term ultrasounds, the 3D kind, and he just looks irritated: furrowed brow, puckered lips; if he knew to cross his arms to look irritated, he would.

But yesterday the doctor prescribed something even more specific: nipple stimulation. She said it would release oxytocin in the brain and that would stimulate contractions. Well, she played with my nipples for about a half hour and she never did have contractions. I think that doctor was a quack.

Actually, it worked a little bit. She had a few contractions, but not enough to progress into delivery. But they were doing their job: prepping her body for delivery. Good doctors are great to have, and these doctors have been very helpful. They have answered all our questions, had no problem stepping over our daughter doing her homework in the floor during appointments, and explaining what should be happening at each visit.

I know this may seem awkward to hear about, but I want to offer you a challenge. Would you make it a point to find out what is going on with your wife? What does/should her body do? When she goes to the doctor, ask for an update. If there's something you don't understand, drum up the courage to ask and prepare yourself for the answer. There may be a lot that seems weird and gross, but it really isn't. It's all in your perceptions. I know your wife may want to keep the mystery of her girly parts. But that's not necessary for you to get aroused in times of sex. I have been present for the birth of my daughter, will be for my son, have changed bandages, bought maxi-pads, cleaned up her vomit and worse, given shots, cleaned surgical wounds, and yes even performed enemas. But those things are surgical. They are care-giving. And I'll be honest with you: they don't translate into the bedroom in a way you may fear. Apples and oranges, my friend. Apples and oranges.

As you get older you and your wife will take care of each other in ways that are more embarrassing than you would like to admit, and you will be tempted to hire it out. If there is something that needs to be professionally done, fine, go ahead and do that. But take care of your wife without shame or insult. Your wife may be turned on by watching you play sports or swing an ax to fell a tree. But she will never feel more unconditionally loved than when you clean her wounds after surgery. When she sees you do that with love, gentleness, and compassion, she will melt, and yet another barrier will be removed from your marriage. Break down those walls, groom. Love as promised.