Forcing Our Way Up

This morning I had to pick up some meds for my bride and while I was there I grabbed a Time magazine off the shelf. The cover story was a debate between two columnists concerning the state of America, and what can/should be done. The first columnist, Fareed Zakaria, is a nationalized citizen and makes some great statements in his article. I want to focus on a specific historical viewpoint and how that should relate to us as husbands and family men.

In addressing the comfort and success of the United States historically, Zakaria refers back to a book my Mancur Olson called The Decline of Nations. Zakaria states, "He was prompted by what he thought was a strange paradox after World War II. Britain, having won the war, slipped into deep stagnation, while Germany, the loser, grew powerfully year after year... Olson concluded that, paradoxically, it was success that hurt Britain, while failure helped Germany. British society grew comfortable, complacent and rigid, and its economic and political arrangements became ever more elaborate and costly, focused on distribution rather than growth...

"Germany, by contrast, was almost entirely destroyed by World War II. That gave it a chance not just to rebuild its physical infrastructure but also to revise its antiquated arrangements and institutions-- the political system, the guilds, the economy-- with a more modern frame of mind. Defeat made it possible to question everything and to rebuild from scratch."

Granted, Olson was making literal historical notes on the effects of conflict on two nations. However, can we not also view our own marriages and families (and jobs, hobbies, health...) through that same perspective? Often the initial response from so many people in times of conflict, even in marriage, is to find a way out OR to make ourselves more comfortable. We avoid issues or we look for any little thing to justify the erosion of our relationship. In these cases, we are thinking like Britain. How many people do you know that are married and content, but are no longer passionate or pursuant of each other with more than a "of course I love him/her; we're married" kind of attitude. I know people who are still married because they have been for years, but the marriages are basically dead. It's simply a habit.

But there are those who have faced struggle and failure and crisis and when their friends and family advised them to end it because "He doesn't deserve you," or "She did you wrong," they stood together and faced their crises, offered forgiveness and did the things it took to restructure their marriage and to look ahead to the future. Together.

So let us look at ourselves, fellow grooms and ask ourselves if we are comfortable and complacent. Are we happy with how things are, unwilling to change or seeing no need for it? Or is there work to do? Even if things are going well, which they may be, can we still move forward? The answer, without even meeting you, is "yes." We are all there. Self-evaluation is imperative, and growth will come as a result.

Look forward, groom, and face your future together.