Keeping the Sanctuary

I was gone for a few days to a conference and to help take care of our kids, we asked my mother to come up to the house. She gladly accepted and was a great help to my bride. When I arrived home late Tuesday afternoon my mother offered to take our little girl to her karate class so my bride and I could spend a little time together. We didn't actually get to "spend time together" as she was working on things for school and I was trying to repair my computer, but we did get to talk some.

Wednesday morning my bride gave our son a bath and came down with his hair still wet and unkempt, an unusual scene. She couldn't find his brush and was wondering if I knew where it was. We discovered that my mother had given him a bath in our bathroom instead of in the shared bathroom in the hallway, and my wife was none too pleased. She had given everything needed for a bath so that there would be no need to come into our room. She said, "I set everything up so that she wouldn't have to come into our room. It wasn't cleaned up for guests and frankly I feel a little violated. That's OUR space." And she continued on. And in our case, she was rightfully upset. I'm thankful that she handled it with some decorum and that peace was preserved.

In our homes growing up and still today, the master bedroom was kind of secretive. Yes, we were allowed in if we asked permission, or were given permission, to go pick something up. And we could go in if we were invited in after knocking, or to just set the folded laundry on the bed. But it was not a shared space like the rest of the house. And we try to do the same for our children. We want to respect their privacy and as our daughter is getting older she will begin needing more privacy for modesty sake (but we still want to be aware of what happens in her room, to an extent). So we have set up the master bedroom to be OUR space.

So, let me ask you, Groom, are you keeping the Sanctuary? Is your master bedroom a place of rest and peace, a place of bonding and intimacy? Is there anything you need to change to make it that way? I'm not going to tell you ALL the things you need to get rid of to make this a love nest because I think it varies by couple. Some say no electronics in the room except an alarm clock. Others vary on that spectrum. Some say it needs to be the cleanest room in the house, the first place that gets attention. I'm not there yet.

But it certainly does need to be a sanctuary, a place where you, your wife, and God can make peace and rest in each other. It can be a place where you pray, have devotional time, talk, make love, get dressed, and generally relax. In our room we have a television and DVD player and we often bring our laptops in with us, but we are able to spend time side by side in bed and talk as we work on school and work projects. We sometimes watch a movie that is too old for our little girl and often it is all turned off so we can just be alone together.

Our daughter was taught early on that if the door is closed, she is to knock and we will either invite her in or answer it, but she is not to open it on her own. Sadly, however, our room is typically the last one we get to when it comes to cleaning the house. It is one of the things we would like to remedy, but we haven't figured out how to justify it to ourselves. Maybe in time we will. But despite the cycling laundry and clutter, that is our sanctuary, our safe space, the only place in the house that is ours alone, and that's important to us.

So do what you can, fellow groom to preserve the sanctuary of your master bedroom. Make it a safe place for you and your bride. Here are some ways to start:

1. Don't fight in the bedroom. If you need to hash out an issue, use a guest room or another empty space.
2. Don't spend most of your time in the bedroom. Sure on occasion it's fun to lie in bed, watch movies, read, make love, play games, or whatever. But keep that room special and fun.
3. Decorate it. Let your bride pick the colors and patterns and scents that she wants in there, and go with her to pick it up, put it together, and design. New paint, curtains, bed clothes, furniture, flooring, even starting with closet organizing to clean up the clutter; all of this is stuff that will make that YOUR own little space and makes it a joy to enter and rest.
4. Build fond memories there. Make it a massage parlor, love nest, reading room, resort spa, and salon. Being able to associate sights, sounds, and scents of pleasure will make it more plausible for your bride to be at ease in that room. And relaxation and peace are always great for a passionate love life and building intimacy.